^^-v 










.^^°^ 






^^ *' 











.^^ .. 








O N O ^^ 



0° >^J^Lr% 















:. '^^0^ : 















rr.-* aO 






o^V 











^ 















0^ sL"^'^ V 







* Ay r^ 



5 « O 






Other Books by the Same Author 

The Rosary in Rhyme . . . . $2.50 net 
Edition Limited to 300 Copies 

Poems 1.00 

Lyrics 1.00 

Child Verse 1.00 

SMALL MAYNARD & COMPANY 
Boston, Mass. 



QUIPS-aUlDDlTS 




UES FOR THE 
URI0U5 



BY 



J0HN5.TABB 




BOSTON* 

SMALL MAYNARD & COMPANV 

X907 



iJt^HARYaf CONGRESS 
Iwu CoDtes Received 

SEP 12 I90f 

. Copynett ■ntry 

ClkS^A Wlc, No. 
COPY B/ 






Copyright, 1907 

By Small, Maynard £f Company 
(incorporated) 



To my cousin and namesake, 

JOHN TABB HEYWARD, 

and to all who at any time have been 
my sons in Christ 



A few verses by way of introduction, in which 
the author gets even with his critics, his pub- 
Hshers, and those who trifle with his name — from 
which latter failing he himself does not seem 
exempt ! 

His Present Publishers. 



Quips and Quiddits 



Mr, John Lane, of London, publishes, along with my Poems, the 
Poems of Lord de Tabley; hence 



A COINCIDENCE 

THE latest news 
About the mews ! 
Lord Tabley 
And John Tabb, B. 
Lift up their strain 
In the self-same Lane. 
Alas! — but that's 
The way with cats. 



ON THE COVER OF JOHN B. TABB'S LATE 
LONDON VOLUME 



H 



IS eyes are dim; 
And so for him, 
They thought in London, 'twas enough 
To bind his book in blind-man's buff. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A STRONG DOSE 

IF brevity be soul of wit, 
The Boston wag discovered it 
In saying that my verse fulfils 
For him the purposes of pills. 



TO AN ANTE-MORTEM UNDERTAKER 
WHO EMBALMS ME IN VERSE 

IF I were dead 
And yet had read 
The praise you have applied, 

Methinks I'd be 

More speedily 
A body mortified. 

And would that now 

I might avow 
A spirit quite becalmed; 

But, truth to tell, 

I seem to smell 
The thing you have embalmed. 



Quips and Quiddits 



TO MR. ANDREW LANG, WHO SPELLED 
MY NAME 'TAB' 

OWHY should Old Lang Sign 
A compliment to me 
(If it indeed is mine), 

And filch my final b? 
To him, as to the Dane 

In his soliloquy. 
This question comes again, — 
"2 b or not 2 b?" 



CATNIP 

THE Critic did not like the food, 
But found it stale and flabby; 
Yet strange to say, no other chewed 
So hard the hapless Tabby. 

It had a poet of its own. 

But undertook to gild her — 
A thing, as well they might have known, 

That ultimately killed her. 



Quips and Quiddits 



And such had been poor Tabby's fate 
But that some power divine 

Led it by underestimate 
To take one Hfe for nine. 



QUIPS AND QUIDDITS 



Quips and Quiddits 



AN OBJECTOR 

"OOME folk/' the Monkey says, "there be 
^ That claim descent from mine and me; 
But I respectfully dechne 
Such compliments to me and mine." 




Quips and Quiddits 



o 



IN CHICAGO 

F forthcoming weather no prophet have they, 
For the ground hog is there to be seen every 
day. 




Quips and Quiddits 



INGERSOLL'S DILEMMA 

OAYS Bob to the Devil, ''I do not believe 
^^ In the doctrine of hell — nor in you!" 
Says the Devil to Bob, " You must, or be damned I'' 
Says Bob, "I'll be damned if I do!'' 



Quips and Quiddits 



QUEEN BESS 

OR praise or obloquy is hers, 
As history has viewed her 
To some a 1-der she appears, 
To others but a 2-dor. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A DISCONCERTED CONCERT 



B 



ULL father frog 
Was on the log, 
While many a little fellow 
Around the pool 
Upon his stool 
Sat learning how to bellow. 

A turtle near, 

Whom all did fear, — 
An enemy to noises — 

His head upsent, 

And down they went 
To drown, alas, their voices. 




Quips and Quiddits 



WOOL-GATHERING 

O BRIAR-BUSH! how beautiful! 
May I a little blossom pull 
For memory to keep? 
''To take it, sir," she said, "you're free; 
But know it didn't bloom on me, — 
I got it from a sheep." 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE SECRET / 

TO a Dimple said a Frown, 
*'I would give you half a crown, 
To teach me how a compliment to win." 

To the Frown replied the Dimple, 
"Why the trick is very simple: — 
Dance on tiptoe all around the mouth and chin.' 



Quips and Quiddits 



AN IMPROVEMENT 



THE knights of old, 
As we are told, 
Each bore a weight of mail. 
But they were slow; 
And letters go 
Much faster now by rail. 




'^;/4i""' 



Quips and Quiddits 



CORN-COB 
OU look, like Grandpa, very old; 



Y 



And that is why, no doubt. 
Your skin is shrivelled by the cold, 
And all your teeth are out. 




Quips and Quiddits 



THE YARDSTICK 

THE laziest of all things strong, 
The Yardstick seems to me, 
For, with three feet, twelve inches long, 
No step alone takes he. 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE SNORER 

\ LONG her slumber-shodden way 
-^ ^ The Nightmare goes cavorting; 
The rider sleeping, strange to say, 

In spite of all her snorting. 
He should, I think, for others' sake, 

Prevent her, if he's able. 
From keeping all the world awake, 

Or put her in the stable. 




Quips and Quiddits 



WHAT'S IN A NAME? 

A PIOUS prelate used to ride 
A donkey which, alas, — 
His patience being often tried — 

He called Eu-damid-as : — 
A name he emphasized or not, 
As grew his temper cool or hot. 




Quips and Quiddits 



A PERPLEXITY 

IN a piece of woollen cloth, 
Lived a maid and mother moth, 
But to both it was a bother. 
Which was moth and which was mother. 



Quips and Quiddits 



TROUBLED WATERS 

O WATER, when I put you here, 
You were as smooth as oil; 
Why are you now so ruffled, dear? 
''I'm troubled with a boil/' 



Quips and Quiddits 



A QUESTION OF TIME 

WHEN Time was young, he must have had 
A lovely suit of hair, 
And it is very, verj^ sad 

To see his skull so bare. 
But since he's able still to mow, 

And strong enough to dig, 
I wonder why he doesn't go 
And get himself a wig. 




Quips and Quiddits 



AN INCUBUS 

SOBBED the Blotter to the Ink, 
"Though your every word I drink, 
Your broken hues alone are my reward." 
"The truth/' said he, "you've spoken; 
And no wonder they are broken 
When you press me so incessantly and hard." 




Quips and Quiddits 



THE TUMBLE-BUG 

IN Egypt of old 
You were sacred, I'm told; 
How fell 3^ou in man's estimation? 
"Each dog has his day, 
And each Bug, I dare say, 
Takes his turn with the rest of creation." 



Quips and Quiddits 



AN AVERSION 

THE apple-tree 
Is not to me 
A thing of special joy: 
It did deceive my mother Eve, 
And often pain her boy. 

And as to her, 

I must aver 
I've had a mind to chide her 

When, racked with pain, 

I've wished in vain 
My apples were in cider. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A MIXED MARRIAGE 

OAID Tom to Pussie, "Out of nine, 

^ Eight lives I'd give to make you mine." 

"Alas," said Pussie with a tear, 

"I'd not so long outlive you, dear!" 

Whereat, with plighting paw and purr, 

Nine lives to nine united were. 




Quips and Quiddits 




THE MAN IN THE MOON 

THE Night is gloomy and forlorn 
Until her baby Moon is born, 
But long he does not stay; 
For, though he's very pale and slim, 
A fortnight makes a man of him, 
And then he goes away. 



Quips and Quiddits 



IN THE AUTHOR'S LIBRARY 

TO see, when he is dead, 
The many books he read; 
And then again to note 
The many books he wrote — 
How some got in and some got out, 
'Tis very strange to think about. 



Quips and Quiddits 



POLITENESS 

THE Turtle met the Terrapin, 
And, as they were the closest kin, 
Each asked the other with a grin, 
To take his top off and come in. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A MOUTHPIECE 

WHY is the baby crying? 
You must have scared or hit him. 
"No, grandpa, I was trying 

If your false teeth would fit him." 




Quips and Quiddits 



OBSCURITY 

TO his father said a bunny, 
"Don't you find it rather funny 
That we know so very httle of our race?" 
"What's behind is a tradition," 
Said the sire, "that tail-omission 
Makes it utterly impossible to trace." 




Quips and Quiddits 



PINCHBECK 

TO jewels her taste did incline; 
But she had not a trinket to wear 
Till she slept after taking quinine, 
And awoke with a ring in each ear. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A SAINT'S INFIRMITY 

YOUR father's deafness — was it cured 
When he Saint Anthony implored? 
"No," said the child, "'twas not to be: 
Saint Anthony was as deaf as he." 




Quips and Quiddits 



A MISTAKE 

HOW have you the heart, Bumble Bee, 
To sting a little boy like me? 
'"Tis not the heart, my little friend, 
Fm using; but the other end." 




Quips and Quiddits 



FASCINATION 

MONG your many playmates here, 

Why is it that you all prefer 
Your little friend, my dear? 



A 



"Because, Mamma, tho' hard we try, 
Not one of us can spit so high. 
And catch it in his ear." 



Quips and Quiddits 



UNSTATIONARY STATIONERY 

THE Wax waxed hotter and hotter 
Till the Seal took his seat on her back, 
And the Pen wiped his foot on the Blotter, 
And laughed at them both from the Rack. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A RASH JUDGMENT 

HE sat beside the well, 
And leaning o'er the brink, 
Down to the bottom fell 
And died, they thought, of drink. 

But when they raised the trunk 

To dry it on the grass, 
They found the water drunk, 

But he quite sober was. 



Quips and Quiddits 



IN ACCORD 

THE Mocking-bird gulps down the worm 
And straight begins to sing. 
I wonder that he doesn't squirm 

To swallow such a thing — 
A sort of fiddle-string, no doubt, 
That helps to bring the music out. 




Quips and Qiiiddits 



FACIAL LATITUDE 

HOW far the lip below the nose, 
'Tis very hard to saj^; 
But every indication shows 
It is miles, it's miles away. 




Quips and Quiddits 



A FOOT-RULE 



B 



IPED, or Quadruped, 
Two feet or four: 
That's the standing rule of feet 
All the world o'er. 



Two feet, or four feet, 
Never one or three. 
''Nay," said the Yard-stick, 
"Don't forget me!" 

"Ho!" cried another voice, 
A one-foot thing, 
"I'm the Rule of Measurement; 
'Every inch a King.'" 



Quips and Quiddits 






A MARK OF TRUE GREATNESS 

E used to sit beneath this tree. 
And sometimes on the Umb, 
Where the impression that you see 
Shows just the size of him. 




%% 



''''-id ^ 
Washington's Tree at Doughoregan Manor, Howard County, Maryland. 



Quips and Quiddits 



FROM ABROAD 

HE wrote that through Finland, 
While journeying inland, 
The Fins, but no fishes he found. 
But in Lapland, he said, 
He was seldom misled 
For lapfuls of babies abound. 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE TOAD 

AT twilight from his dark abode 
Leaps forth the wart-besprinkled Toad: 
He does not like the day; 
Nor would we, either, if like him. 
We were repulsive, moist and grim, 
Be fond of self -display. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A DIVERSION 



HOW doth the httle busy bee 
Improve each shining hour?" Alas! 
I hope not as it came to pass 
WheUj of the hour forgetful, he 
Was busily "improving" me. 




Quips and Quiddits 



THE HERMIT 

"/^OME," throbbed the Thumb 
^^ To the other four Fingers, 
**In a glove let us shove 
While the icicle lingers; 

*'Tho' the weather together 
Keeps each near his own. 

In a small private stall 
I must winter alone." 




Quips and Quiddits 



A DEPRIVATION 

CAN you, sweet roses, ever take 
A breath of other roses? 
"Alas, your nosegay we can make, 
But none of us have noses." 



Quips and Quiddits 



A HOUSE OF REFUGE 

ALL down into their mother's throat 
The httle sharks from danger float; 
And there it is that they remain 
Dry-sheltered when it comes to rain; 
For by sea-doctors they are told 
Fresh water's apt to give them cold. 



Quips and Quiddits 



UNDERSIZE 

THE flea a dog may bite 
And not again be bitten: 
The bee a bull may smite, 

And yet escape unsmitten. 
For stronger foes are put to flight 
By enemies too small to fight. 




Quips and Quiddits 



A FOOT-NOTE 

FROM Bunyan Pilgrim's Progress came 
As essence from an onion; 
And, by reversion of the same, 
From pilgrim's progress, — bunion. 




Quips and Quiddits 



H 



THE PRODIGAL 

ISSED the father, "Let him go! 
Though I very well do know 
That a gosling from the ganderdom let loose, 
Will, within another year, 
Make it manifestly clear 
That he has but grown to be a greater goose." 



Quips and Quiddits 



VALUATION 

PRAY tell me how you estimate 
The wolf," I asked a lamb. 
"My own opinion, sir, to state, 
He is not worth a dam." 



Quips and Quiddits 



TO MY SHADOW 

YOU skulked behind me like a hound, 
And now you run before. 
''But, master, if you turn around, 
I'll get behind once more." 




Quips and Quiddits 




A MUSICIAN'S TRIAL 



THEY brought him up before the Judge. 
"What is the fellow's crime?" 
"Your Honor, he has murdered Scores, 
And boasts of beating Time." 



Quips and Quiddits 



TREASURE-TROVES 

WHAT are you doing, Butterfly?" 
Inquired the Honey Bee. 
"You seem as fond of flowers as I, 

And yet I do not see 
What benefit you gain thereby. '* 

"Ah, gentle Sir," said she, 
"Be yours the profit they supply, 
And mine the poetry." 



Quips and Quiddits 



A CHANGE OF PARTS 

WHEN Barrel-organs with us stayed, 
The Monkey danced, the Master played : 
But comes the Pianola, 
And now the Monkey has a chance 
To play, and make the Master dance, 
From Bath to Pensacola. 




Quips and Quiddits 



THE SANDPIPER 

OF birds he is the most pohte; 
For, be it foe or friend, 
To every one that comes in sight 
He bows at either end. 



Quips and Quiddits 




HEAD-STRONG 
^////^ QAID the Goat to the Ram, 

^ "Ring-leader I am 
Of this flock in whose pasture we run/' 
Said the Ram with a strut, 
"We may prove it so — but — 
But — two heads are better than one." 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE MOUSE AND THE ELEPHANT 

I TELL you, if you don't obey, 
I'll run right up your snout." 
''Well, I will do whate'er you say — 
But, man alive! keep out." 



Quips and Quiddits 



HIGH-BORN 

SO far her head above her feet 
That when the lady takes a seat 
The interval 'twixt hip and knee 
The length of Lapland seems to be. 



Quips and Quiddits 



ACCOMMODATING 



SPARE, spare me!" cried the Snail, 
As the Sparrow pounced upon it. 
Then the other shook his tail — 

"Sparrowed, would you? Well, I've done it!'* 




Quips and Quiddits 



A DISAGREEMENT 



YOU give me no rest," growled the Patient. 
''1 cannot/' retorted the Pill. 
''In your stomach to be 
Is so dreadful to me 
That I can't for a moment keep still.'' 




Quips and Quiddits 



A COMPENSATION 

A SQUIRREL, while he sprang from tree to 
tree, 
Cried to a skunk below, "Pray, look at me: 
There's no such grace nor such agility 

As mine, I tell you!" 
"Nay, friend," the simple creature made reply, 
"Thy gifts, forsooth, no mortal may deny; 
But pray remember 'tis my boast that I 
By far outsmell you." 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE BROOK TO THE LAMB 

LEAP across me, little lamb; 
-' But I can't invite your dam, 
Or it would at once, you know, prevent my flowing. 
"0 how different are we!" 
Said the lamb, "for, as you see. 
My dam it is alone that keeps me going." 



'Quips and Quiddits 



JUST THE REVERSE 

'V/'OU go to bed at twelve or one, 
-■- And thus destroy your health, my son." 

"No, sir," the boy said drowsily, 

"It's getting up that's killing me." 




Quips and Quiddits 




EXIT 

SAID a corpulent Bubble, 
"It is my great trouble, 
This shortness of breath to prevent; 
But folks over-stout 
Are advised to go out, 
So out shall I go," — and she went. 



I • :' ! 












^>^^ 



;>*" 



'"^. 



'*>> 



^'^ 



Quips and Quiddits 



SPRING CHIMNEYS 

TO throats so long in misery 
Of thirst and parching pain, 
How welcome must each swallow be 
That now they take again! 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE DIFFERENCE 

UNC SI, de Holy Bible say 
In speakin' of de jus', 
Dat he do fall seben times a day; 
Now how's de sinner wuss? 

"Well, chile, de slip may come to aU, 
But den de difference f oiler; 

For, ef you watch him when he fall, 
De jus' man do not waller." 




Quips and Quiddits 



A STING 

" TV ^EN speak/' said the Wasp, "of the provi- 
i. ▼ J. dent Ant, 

Because of her miserly taste; 
But greatly I wonder why see it they can't, 
That we have as Uttle to waist." 



Quips and Quiddits 



A WISH 

AT night, I'd like to be a bird, 
In every sort of weather 
To go to bed and rise again 

And never change a feather; 
But in the morning, I'd prefer 

The life I now enjoy; 
For what would satisfy a bird 
Would never fill a boy. 




Quips and Quiddits 



A BACHELOR HEN 

UPON the nest she was a hen, 
But higher aims induced her 
To get upon the roost; and then 
She found herself a rooster. 



Quips and Quiddits 



IRONY 

IT is one of Nature's wrongs, " 
Sneered the Shovel to the Tongs, 
'^To have led your legs so very far astray.'' 
"Ah, she made us both in haste," 
Observed the Tongs, "and from your waist, 
She has nicked your neck as far the other way." 
What the Poker as a joker thought, 
He didn't dare to say. 




Quips and Quiddits 



A FAMILY FAILING 

SNEEZED the Pepper, ^'Sister Salt 
Bids me say 'tis not her fault 
That she's out of place to-day; 
Turning, just below the Caster, 
She upset, and the disaster 
Holds her back in Mustard-plaster 

That she cannot scrape away." 
"That trick of turning round she got," 
Said Vinegar, "from Mrs. Lot.'' 



Quips and Quiddits 





CHERRIES 

O SHARE with us, bird in the tree, 
The fruit you are taking alone! 
"You're welcome to half/' 
He chirped with a laugh, — 
And thereupon threw me a stone. 



Quips and Quiddits 



WITH CHOLERA MORBUS 

I AM so sick I'd like to be 
A clock, to have them open me 
And regulate the jerks, 
When on the pendulum a Pain 
Is riding forth and back again, 
And pulling at my works. 



'. :;^^.«^u/>...^^.^^^__,HJ^^ 




Quips and Quiddits 



DREAD OF JUSTICE 

SIGHED Dumpling, "Do not put me, please, 
With Cabbage in the pot. 
I don't object to boil with Peas; 

But she, when she is hot. 
Has such a smell that half you see, 
Would certainly be laid on me." 



Quips and Quiddits 



A CATTLE PLAGUE 

"TITHAT ails you?" tenderly I spoke 

^ ▼ To a dejected calf. 
He answered, "At a killing joke 

I'm dying, sir, to laugh. 
They Httle know, who lightly jest, 
The agony of fun suppressed.'* 



Quips and Quiddits 




A FLEDGLING 



WHY is it, little chick," I said 
"That you so ragged go?" 
"Alas," he answered, "father's dead 
And mother cannot sew. 



"She does her very best to lay, 
Till I have learned to crow; 

But bread is rising every day, 
And eggs, alas, are low." 



Quips and Quiddits 



MR. DOOLITTLE'S EPITAPH 

TTVO little he did, and so true to the call 

-■-^ Was his life, that at last he did nothing at 



aU. 



Quips and Quiddits 



TAMING THE SHREW 

TURN round," puffed the Wind to the Mill. 
"I won't!" she replied; and stood still. 
But he struck her a blow 
That compelled her to go, 
And since then she submits to his will. 




Quips and Quiddits 



THE SIGNAL 

"TT THERE are you going, Sleep?" I said. 

VV "To put a little boy to bed. 
I told him when he needed me, 
To nod; and nodding now is he.'' 



Quips and Quiddits 



A DEDUCTION 



T CAN'T, for my Hfe/^ 



Quacked the Drake to his wife, 
"Tell which of our children are males." 

Said the Duck with a smile, 

" We must wait for a while 
And observe which have curls in their tails." 








^^ik^'r 




Quips and Quiddits 



HEART-BROKEN 

THE Limbs beneath a cruel strain 
Were sobbing, "Heaven defend us!" 
Then, snapping suddenly in twain, 

They cried aloud, "Tree-mend-us!" 



Quips and Quiddits 



A BLIND MAN'S EPITAPH 

IS eyes were dim; so here he hes, 
Whose death came after his dim-ise. 



H 



Quips and Quiddits 



EMETICS 

WITH all the battles that he won 
That brought him world-renown, 
Imperious Napoleon 

Could never keep us down. 




Quips and Quiddits 



TO A PROPOSED INTERVIEWER 

AN interview would be to me 
A sort of an emetic, 
Or an appendix to be cut 
Without the anaesthetic; 

And why expose to public view 
A man's intestine features? 

'Tis outwardly alone we look 
Unlike our fellow-creatures. 




Quips and Quiddits 



FOREDOOMED 

OF reprobates the beaver seems 
The saddest in creation, 
His every instinct kindhng dreams 
To work for his dam-nation. 



Quips and Quiddits 



JUDICIOUS 

I CANNOT kiss you, Ike/' she said. 
"Why not?" he asked. Then hesitating, 
''Because," she whispered, "I've the pledge — 
And juleps are intoxicating." 



Quips and Quiddits 



INFATUATION 

EACH day at a dinner of State, 
His neighbors observed what he ate 
Was sufficient for three 
Less determined than he 
To be reckoned a person of weight. 




Quips and Quiddits 



NO STICKLERS 

TOOTHPICKS!— were ever sticks 
Less "stuck up" in their way! 
With upper teeth and those beneath 
On equal terms are they. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A TALE OF REVERSE, or THE REVERSE 
OF A TAIL 

' I ^HE dog that caught the mink 

-*- Was strolHng down the street, 
When, quicker than a wink, 

He chanced a maid to meet, 
Inhabiting the skin 

That once his victim wore; 
But, lo, beneath her chin 

The tail was now before! 
"Alas," he sighed, "'tis passing strange 
How fashion with our fortunes change! '' 




Quips and Quiddits 



SYMPATHY 

WHY are you weeping, little lad? 
"Because (Boo-hoo!), it makes me sad 
To see my thumbs (Boo-hoo!) so far 
From where the other fingers are, — 
Boo-hoo ! Boo-hoo V 




Quips and Quiddits 



THE SENSITIVE LOBSTER 

HE floundered from the breakers cool 
Into a boiling pot, 
Where, thinking some egregious fool 

Had made the water hot, — 
Ashamed of such stupidity. 
He blushed as red as red could be. 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE ROOT OF PRIDE 

OF great-great-grandpapa, I know, 
My parents speak with pride; 
But what he did to make him so 

I never can decide. 
Perhaps, as sweet potatoes do, 
'Twas under ground so great he grew. 




Quips and Quiddits 



GOOD ADVICE 

THE Keyhole quarrelled with the Key 
Because he said agape was she 
To whispering suggestion; 
Then, each appealing to the Door, 
He counselled them to fight no more 
About an open question. 



Quips and Quiddits 



THE RUN-A-WAY 

WHERE are you going, Httle Rill? 
''Alas, I cannot say! 
I leaped the fountain on the hill, 

And ventured forth to play; 
And now it seems, against my will, 
I am a run-a-way." 



Quips and Quiddits 



EXTREMES MEET 

THE giant and the baby 
Present a striking pair; 
Whatever else the difference, 
Long clothes alike they wear; 
While Life, diverted, must admit, 
They show the long and short of it. 




Quips and Quiddits 



CLOSE AS WAX 

THE miser met the Bumble Bee 
And asked a drop of honey. 
"My honey-bag's as tight," said she, 
"As are your bags of money." 



Quips and Quiddits 



A PARADOX 

I WISH the weather-cock would crow 
To let his fellow chickens know 
That weather fair's for maids and men, 
Fowl weather is for cock and hen. 



Quips and Quiddits 



A(N)ICE DISTINCTION 

''nr^IS hard for some skaters to stand; but for 

J- all, 
Though it's easy to slip, it is harder to fall. 




Quips and Quiddits 



THE BLUEBIRD TO THE CANARY 

AS you're a yellow little fellow, 
I hope you do not mean 
To come too near; for blending, dear, 
Would turn our feathers green. 



Quips and Quiddits 



COMPENSATION 

SHE says of life's remaining joy, 
To her I am the anchor: 
'Tis meet; for when I was a boy, 
To me she was the spanker. 




Quips and Quiddits 



A THREAT 

" IVJO; Wide-a-Wake," persisted Sleep, 
i. ^ " I'll not come near you till you keep 

As quiet as a mouse; 
And if you stretch your eyelids so, 
To see if I am here or no, 

I'll have to quit the house." 



Quips and Quiddits 



A TRAGEDY 

HIS padding was of sawdust, 
The little Soldier-man 
Who loved a light-haired lady Doll — 
A maiden stuffed with bran. 

Their little hostess never knew 
That they had each a heart, 

But lodged them in the baby-house 
In corners far apart; 

Till once, in curiosity, 

She pierced the Soldier-man, 

Ripped up the maiden Doll, and mixed 
The sawdust with the bran. 




X1V>8 



Quips and Quiddits 



A RETORT 

THE Finger complained of the Toe, 
And said it was idle and slow; 
But it answered in scorn, 
"On each foot I grow corn; 
What on hand are you able to show?" 



Quips and Quiddits 



AN EXCUSE 

UPON my soul, 
wicked mole, 
I'll punish thy misdoing! 
"0 pardon me! — 
I could not see 
The course I was pursuing." 



Quips and Quiddits 



SAUSAGE 

WE are ground, but no more grounded 
In our family affairs: 
What is found, is so confounded 
That no Sausage longer cares 
To determine how or what he 

Owes the family of Pork, 
In the pens of Cincinnati, 
Of Chicago, or New York. 




Quips and Quiddits 



IN AMBUSH 

TIS well/' the Goat, flea-bitten said, 
''You hide where Nature put you: 
For if you dared to show your head. 
By Gemini, I'd butt you!" 









ti^T* A 
















^^ * O N O ' ^•^ 




Ay ^ ' » » 







^"^i. 

















** ** ''} 















<N. 'o..* ,G^ \3, ♦TXT* A 



''i-, 






0^ c»"»* ^o jj^ ..^''* 



/ -A'- V*^ -M^'' \>/ •*^'- "^^ -^'' 



4 ,^^ '^^^ 







./V 







WERT B <K ■'i-r^o* ^.-^ 

3KBINDINC H «^ o „ o o, 

anu,ile,Pa B^/v-,* ^ V 









LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

016 256 142 A | 



m 



